


Revan, But Not Exactly

by violasarecool



Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, post revan reveal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-09 19:03:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7813534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violasarecool/pseuds/violasarecool
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>when they finally confronted malak on the leviathan, the last thing trin expected was to find out she's an infamous sith lord; trin is a bit overwhelmed</p>
            </blockquote>





	Revan, But Not Exactly

The time after they escaped the Leviathan passed like a lightning strike; quick and painfully seared into Trin's memory. Before she knew it, she was sitting on the floor of the Ebon Hawk, Mission seated across from her, the echoes of her companions reactions still in her ears.

_"It seems to me that if you don't really remember anything about being Revan, then it doesn't really matter anymore. You are who you are now, right?"_

_"Of course it still matters! How do we know more memories won't come flooding back? How do we know Revan won't suddenly turn on us? The whole time we've been chasing after Malak we've had his old Sith Master right at our side!"_

"So, do you want us to call you Trin, or... Revan?"

Trin glanced up to see Mission watching her expectantly. After a moment, she realized she'd asked her a question, and it took another moment before the words finally made it back to her tired brain. "Trin, definitely Trin," she said quickly, "gods, I know I technically... did all that shit, but you think I want to be _associated_ with all that? I mean—" she backtracked, "not that I'm trying to like, not take responsability, or whatever, it was still me, well, not exactly _me,_ but..." Trin buried her face in her hands; she could feel the beginnings of a headache drilling into her head just above her eye. "Kriff, sorry, I'm just—"

"Been quite a day, huh?" Mission said sympathetically.

"You have no idea," Trin said dully, letting her hands drop to her sides.

Mission held out her arms. "C'mere."

Trin shuffled closer to put her arms around Mission's shoulders, resting her forehead to one side. "I can't believe Carth doesn't trust me," she murmured into Mission's shoulder. "Just like that. Like, would Bastila have... if she didn't already..." She pulled away, gaze dropping to the floor. "I can't believe Bastila _knew._ All the awful things I did..."

"Hey, don't beat yourself up too hard, you weren't yourself," Mission said.

"You don't know that," Trin said, "I don't even know that. Who's 'myself' _,_ this personality _programmed_ into me? I don't..." She sighed. "I know get why Carth doesn't trust me. I wouldn't trust me."

"I trust you, Mission said, "we trust you. You've done so much good, you saved Zalbaar, you helped him save his people. You've saved a lot of people, you know."

"Scratches in the sand," Trin murmured, "compared to—"

"Don't compare yourself to Revan."

"I _am_ Revan."

"I thought you said you didn't want to be called that," Mission said with a smile, her tone trying for lightness.

"There's a difference between what you call me and what I own up to," Trin gritted out, clenching her hand against her thigh.

"Okay," Mission said gently.

There was a brief silence, the ship's thrumming beating into Trin's head like the blunt end of a lightsaber. She breathed in, then out, focusing on the notches in the floor. "Sorry. I shouldn't be unloading all of... this, on you."

"It's okay. We're friends, right? That's what friends do."

Trin gave a quiet laugh, more of a huff of air than anything.

"What?" Mission asked.

"It's just all so bizarre," Trin said, shaking her head. "You're not even phased by my weird alternate personality, while Carth has a conniption fit about the whole thing and Canderous and HK are suddenly 3 times as excited to be here. Meanwhile _the great_ _Darth Malak_ has a personal vendetta against _me,_ me! And I've apparently lead a huge army, united thousands of people on a conquest that destroyed whole _worlds._ It's just so absurdly big, it'd almost be easier to believe it's all a practical joke, except..." she frowned, "except Bastila's gone. That doesn't feel real either. I keep thinking—" she glanced at the doorway, "but no."

"Not _gone_ gone," Mission reminded her. "We just gotta finish your mission, then go rescue her, right?"

"Yeah. I just hope we're quick enough." She shivered, and rubbed her arms briskly. "Ok, enough sitting on the cold metal floor before I freeze to death!" she said brightly. She stood up, holding out a hand to Mission, pulling her upright. "I'm gonna go check on HK, make sure he's still functioning right after that sudden memory restoration."

"Okay," Mission said. "I'm headed back to the main hold, but tell me if you wanna talk again, alright?"

"Yeah," Trin said. She made to leave, then paused in the doorway. "Thanks, though, really. I... appreciate it."

"No problem, Trin."


End file.
